How To Cope With Being Unlovable

How to Cope With Feeling Unlovable: A Guide to Self-Acceptance and Healing

Feeling unlovable is a deeply painful experience that can leave you feeling isolated, worthless, and hopeless. It's a pervasive feeling that transcends specific relationships, impacting your self-worth and ability to connect meaningfully with others. This isn't about being objectively unlovable; it's about the subjective, internal experience of believing you are undeserving of love. This comprehensive guide explores the roots of this feeling, offers practical strategies for coping, and provides a pathway towards self-acceptance and a healthier relationship with yourself and others. We’ll delve into self-compassion, challenging negative self-talk, building healthy relationships, and seeking professional support when needed. This is your journey to rediscovering your inherent worthiness of love.

Understanding the Roots of Feeling Unlovable

Before we explore coping mechanisms, it's crucial to understand why you might be feeling unlovable. This feeling often stems from a combination of factors, including:

Past Trauma: Childhood experiences, such as neglect, abuse, or emotional invalidation, can significantly impact your self-perception and ability to believe you are worthy of love. These experiences often create deep-seated insecurities that manifest as feelings of unworthiness.

Negative Self-Talk: A constant stream of negative self-criticism can erode your self-esteem and reinforce the belief that you are unlovable. This internal dialogue often focuses on perceived flaws and shortcomings, magnifying them to an unhealthy degree.

Attachment Styles: Insecure attachment styles, developed in early childhood, can significantly impact adult relationships. Individuals with anxious-preoccupied or fearful-avoidant attachment styles may struggle with self-doubt and fear of rejection, contributing to feelings of unlovability.

Societal Pressures: Societal beauty standards, unrealistic expectations, and the pressure to achieve perfection can contribute to feelings of inadequacy and unworthiness. Constant comparison to others on social media further exacerbates these feelings.

Depression and Anxiety: Mental health conditions like depression and anxiety often exacerbate feelings of worthlessness and isolation, contributing to the belief that you are unlovable.

Understanding the root cause of your feelings is the first step towards healing. Identifying these contributing factors allows you to address them directly, rather than simply trying to suppress the symptoms.

Practical Strategies for Coping with Feeling Unlovable

This section focuses on actionable steps you can take to navigate these challenging emotions:

1. Cultivating Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a close friend struggling with similar feelings. Acknowledge your pain and suffering without judgment. Practice self-soothing techniques, such as mindfulness meditation or engaging in activities you enjoy.

2. Challenging Negative Self-Talk: Identify and challenge negative thoughts. When you notice yourself engaging in self-criticism, ask yourself: Is this thought truly accurate? Is there another way to look at the situation? Replace negative thoughts with more balanced and realistic ones. Journaling can be a helpful tool in this process.

3. Building Healthy Relationships: Focus on building healthy relationships with people who value and appreciate you. Surround yourself with supportive individuals who offer unconditional love and acceptance. Avoid toxic relationships that drain your energy and reinforce negative self-perception.

4. Setting Healthy Boundaries: Learn to set healthy boundaries to protect your emotional well-being. This means saying "no" to requests that overwhelm you, limiting contact with people who are draining, and prioritizing your own needs.

5. Seeking Professional Support: Don't hesitate to seek professional help from a therapist or counselor. Therapy can provide a safe and supportive space to explore your feelings, develop coping mechanisms, and work through underlying issues contributing to your feelings of unlovability. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and other therapeutic approaches can be particularly effective in addressing negative thought patterns and building self-esteem.

6. Engaging in Self-Care: Prioritize activities that nurture your physical and emotional well-being. This might include exercise, healthy eating, getting enough sleep, spending time in nature, engaging in hobbies, and practicing mindfulness. Self-care is not selfish; it's essential for building resilience and self-love.

Reframing Your Perspective: Discovering Your Inherent Worth

Feeling unlovable often stems from a distorted self-perception. It's crucial to actively challenge this narrative and cultivate a more realistic and positive view of yourself. Remember that your worth is inherent and not dependent on external validation. You deserve love and acceptance simply for being you. Focus on your strengths, accomplishments, and positive qualities. Celebrate your successes, no matter how small. Practice gratitude for the good things in your life.

Maintaining Progress and Preventing Relapse

Overcoming feelings of unlovability is a journey, not a destination. There will be ups and downs along the way. It's important to be patient with yourself and celebrate your progress. Develop a relapse prevention plan, outlining strategies you can use when negative feelings resurface. This might include reaching out to a supportive friend, engaging in self-soothing activities, or scheduling a therapy session. Remember that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness.

Article Outline: How to Cope With Feeling Unlovable

Title: How to Cope With Feeling Unlovable: A Guide to Self-Acceptance and Healing

I. Introduction:
Hook: Emphasize the widespread nature and pain of feeling unlovable.
Overview: Outline the guide's content – understanding the roots, coping strategies, reframing perspective, and maintaining progress.

II. Understanding the Roots of Feeling Unlovable:
Past Trauma
Negative Self-Talk
Attachment Styles
Societal Pressures
Depression and Anxiety

III. Practical Strategies for Coping with Feeling Unlovable:
Cultivating Self-Compassion
Challenging Negative Self-Talk
Building Healthy Relationships
Setting Healthy Boundaries
Seeking Professional Support
Engaging in Self-Care

IV. Reframing Your Perspective: Discovering Your Inherent Worth:
Challenging distorted self-perception
Focusing on strengths and accomplishments
Practicing gratitude

V. Maintaining Progress and Preventing Relapse:
Developing a relapse prevention plan
Seeking ongoing support


VI. Conclusion:
Summarize key takeaways
Reinforce the message of self-worth and the possibility of healing

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

1. Is feeling unlovable a sign of a mental health condition? While not a diagnosis itself, feeling unlovable can be a symptom of underlying conditions like depression, anxiety, or trauma. Professional help is recommended.

2. How long does it take to overcome feelings of unlovability? The healing process is unique to each individual and varies depending on the severity and underlying causes. Consistent effort and professional support can significantly accelerate progress.

3. Can I overcome these feelings on my own? While self-help strategies are valuable, professional support from a therapist or counselor can be extremely beneficial in addressing deep-seated issues and developing effective coping mechanisms.

4. What if I've tried everything and still feel unlovable? Persistence is key. Consider exploring different therapeutic approaches or seeking a second opinion from a different professional.

5. How do I identify toxic relationships that contribute to my feelings? Toxic relationships often involve manipulation, control, emotional abuse, or consistent negativity. Pay attention to how you feel after interacting with certain people.

6. What are some specific self-soothing techniques? Mindfulness meditation, deep breathing exercises, listening to calming music, spending time in nature, and engaging in hobbies are all effective techniques.

7. How do I challenge negative self-talk effectively? Identify negative thoughts, question their validity, and replace them with more balanced and realistic statements. Journaling can be a helpful tool.

8. Is it normal to experience setbacks during the healing process? Yes, setbacks are common. Develop a relapse prevention plan and remember that progress isn't always linear.

9. Where can I find professional help for feelings of unlovability? Your primary care physician can provide referrals, or you can search online for therapists or counselors specializing in trauma, anxiety, or depression.

Related Articles:

1. Overcoming Low Self-Esteem: Strategies for building self-worth and confidence.
2. Healing from Childhood Trauma: Exploring the impact of past experiences and pathways to recovery.
3. Understanding Attachment Styles: Learning about different attachment patterns and their influence on relationships.
4. Breaking Free from Negative Thought Patterns: Techniques for identifying and challenging negative self-talk.
5. Building Healthy Boundaries in Relationships: Protecting your emotional well-being by establishing healthy limits.
6. The Power of Self-Compassion: Cultivating kindness and understanding towards yourself.
7. Coping with Anxiety and Depression: Effective strategies for managing anxiety and depressive symptoms.
8. Mindfulness and Meditation for Self-Care: Techniques for reducing stress and improving emotional regulation.
9. Forgiving Yourself and Others: The importance of forgiveness in healing emotional wounds.


  how to cope with being unlovable: The Spiritual Awakening Process Mateo Sol, Aletheia Luna, 2019-10-19 Magical, paradigm-shifting, terrifying, and awe-inspiring, the spiritual awakening process is at the core of every human’s quest for freedom, love, and happiness. In this groundbreaking book, spiritual counselors Luna and Sol detail the many stages, paths, and pitfalls connected with this sacred evolutionary process. By reconnecting with your Soul, you will discover how to experience the joy, liberation, and peace that you have been searching for all along. In these pages, you will discover: 1. What is happening to you 2. Why you’re experiencing a spiritual awakening 3. The many spiritual awakening symptoms and stages 4. The three inner worlds of the spiritual journey 5. What to do when your awakening becomes a spiritual emergency 6. Signs you’re experiencing Soul loss 7. How to retrieve and integrate any fragmented pieces of your psyche through self-love, inner child work, and shadow work 8. What spiritual “traps” you need to be mindful of 9. How to communicate with your Soul Through the inner work practices of Inner Child Work, Self-Love, and Shadow Work, this book gives you the tools to initiate your own deep psychological healing. By removing the blocks and walls that surround your Soul, you will be able to access deep levels of joy, creativity, energy, courage, peace, fulfillment, freedom, and love. The Spiritual Awakening Process is a psychospiritual manual that is composed of various articles that we have published on lonerwolf.com in the past. We have also added extra content to help illuminate your path and guide you through this sacred time of life.
  how to cope with being unlovable: Talking About BPD Rosie Cappuccino, 2021-10-21 'I am Rosie. I have BPD. I am not an attention-seeker, manipulative, dangerous, hopeless, unlovable, 'broken', 'difficult to reach' or 'unwilling to engage'. I am caring, creative, courageous, determined, full of life and love.' Talking About BPD is a positive, stigma-free guide to life with borderline personality disorder (BPD) from award-winning blogger Rosie Cappuccino. Addressing what BPD is, the journey to diagnosis and available treatments, Rosie offers advice on life with BPD and shares practical tips and DBT-based techniques for coping day to day. Topics such as how to talk about BPD to those around you, managing relationships and self-harm are also explored. Throughout, Rosie shares her own experiences and works to dispel stigma and challenge the stereotypes often associated with the disorder. This much-needed, hopeful guide will offer support, understanding, validation and empowerment for all living with BPD, as well as those who support them.
  how to cope with being unlovable: Running on Empty Jonice Webb, 2012-10-01 A large segment of the population struggles with feelings of being detached from themselves and their loved ones. They feel flawed, and blame themselves. Running on Empty will help them realize that they're suffering not because of something that happened to them in childhood, but because of something that didn't happen. It's the white space in their family picture, the background rather than the foreground. This will be the first self-help book to bring this invisible force to light, educate people about it, and teach them how to overcome it.
  how to cope with being unlovable: I Love Jesus, But I Want to Die Sarah J. Robinson, 2021-05-11 A compassionate, shame-free guide for your darkest days “A one-of-a-kind book . . . to read for yourself or give to a struggling friend or loved one without the fear that depression and suicidal thoughts will be minimized, medicalized or over-spiritualized.”—Kay Warren, cofounder of Saddleback Church What happens when loving Jesus doesn’t cure you of depression, anxiety, or suicidal thoughts? You might be crushed by shame over your mental illness, only to be told by well-meaning Christians to “choose joy” and “pray more.” So you beg God to take away the pain, but nothing eases the ache inside. As darkness lingers and color drains from your world, you’re left wondering if God has abandoned you. You just want a way out. But there’s hope. In I Love Jesus, But I Want to Die, Sarah J. Robinson offers a healthy, practical, and shame-free guide for Christians struggling with mental illness. With unflinching honesty, Sarah shares her story of battling depression and fighting to stay alive despite toxic theology that made her afraid to seek help outside the church. Pairing her own story with scriptural insights, mental health research, and simple practices, Sarah helps you reconnect with the God who is present in our deepest anguish and discover that you are worth everything it takes to get better. Beautifully written and full of hard-won wisdom, I Love Jesus, But I Want to Die offers a path toward a rich, hope-filled life in Christ, even when healing doesn’t look like what you expect.
  how to cope with being unlovable: Learning to Love Yourself Gay Hendricks, 1993
  how to cope with being unlovable: Savoring Single Shelley Black, 2017-11-27 Why savoring single? Because you were meant to enjoy it! Finding purpose, knowing love, and experiencing adventure arent reserved solely for the married girls! You can enjoy a full and vibrant life even while being single. Its also a perfect time to partner with what God wants to develop in you through this once-in-a-lifetime part of your journey! Girl, being single is okay. There is a purpose for it, and it wont last forever. So savor it!
  how to cope with being unlovable: The Angry Therapist John Kim, 2017-04-18 Tackling relationships, career, and family issues, John Kim, LMFT, thinks of himself as a life-styledesigner, not a therapist. His radical new approach, that he sometimes calls “self-help in a shot glass” is easy, real, and to the point. He helps people make changes to their lives so that personal growth happens organically, just by living. Let’s face it, therapy is a luxury. Few of us have the time or money to devote to going to an office every week. With anecdotes illustrating principles in action (in relatable and sometimes irreverent fashion) and stand-alone practices and exercises, Kim gives readers the tools and directions to focus on what's right with them instead of what's wrong. When John Kim was going through the end of a relationship, he began blogging as The Angry Therapist, documenting his personal journey post-divorce. Traditional therapists avoid transparency, but Kim preferred the language of me too as opposed to you should. He blogged about his own shortcomings, revelations, views on relationships, and the world. He spoke a different therapeutic language —open, raw, and at times subversive — and people responded. The Angry Therapist blog, that inspired this book, has been featured in The Atlantic Monthly and on NPR.
  how to cope with being unlovable: Daughter Detox Peg Streep, 2017 A self-help book based in science, the result of more than a decade of research, Daughter Detox offers the daughters of unloving mothers vital information, guidance, and real strategies for healing from childhood experiences, and building genuine self-esteem. Writer Peg Streep lays out seven distinct but interconnected stages on the path to reclaim your life from the effects of a toxic childhood: DISCOVERY, DISCERNMENT, DISTNGUISH, DISARM, RECLAIM, REDIRECT, and RECOVER. Each step is clearly explained, and richly detailed with the stories of other women, approaches drawn from psychology and other disciplines, and unique exercises. The book will help the reader tackle her own self-doubt and become consciously aware of how her mother's treatment continues to shape her behavior, even today. The message of the book is direct: What you experienced in childhood need not continue to hold you back in life. What was learned can be unlearned with effort. The book begins with DISCOVERY, opening up the reader's understanding of how she has been wounded and influenced by her mother's treatment. Recognizing the eight toxic maternal behaviors-dismissive, controlling, emotionally unavailable, unreliable, self-involved or narcissistic, combative, enmeshed, or role-reversed-lays the foundation for the daughter's awareness of how her way of looking at the world, connecting to others, and ability to manage stress were affected. DISCERNMENT delves into the patterns of relationship in her family of origin and how they played a part in her development, and then shifts to looking closely at how the daughter adapted to her treatment, either silencing or losing her true self in the process. Next up is DISTINGUISH, seeing how the behavioral patterns we learned in childhood animate all of our relationships in the present with lovers and spouses, relatives, friends, neighbors, and colleagues. The act of distinguishing allows us to see why so many of us end up in unsatisfying relationships, chose the wrong partners, or are unable to develop close friendships. Active recovery begins with DISARM as the daughter learns how to disconnect unconscious patterns of reaction and behavior and substitute actions that will foster the growth of self-esteem. Understanding the triggers that set us off, the cues that put us on the defensive, and the default positions of blaming ourselves and making excuses for other people's toxic behavior are addressed, as are unhealthy behaviors such as rumination, rejection sensitivity, and more. RECLAIM is the stage at which the reader begins to actively make new choices, preparing herself so that she can live the life she desires by seeing herself as having agency and being empowered. Making new choices and figuring out how to manage her relationship to her unloving or toxic mother is the focus of REDIRECT. There are stories to inspire and challenge your thinking, exercises that show you how to swap out self-criticism for self-compassion, guidance on how to use journaling as a tool of self-discovery and growth, and advice on goal setting.Finally, RECOVER challenges the reader to come up with a new definition of what it means to heal, suggests tools to overcome the obstacles she places in her own way, and strategies to become the best, most authentic version of herself.
  how to cope with being unlovable: Overcoming Destructive Anger Bernard Golden, 2016-06-15 Readers will be drawn to this book because their lives have been affected, even devastated, by anger. Job loss, divorce, family estrangement, substance abuse, and imprisonment are just some of the potential fallouts from uncontrolled anger. Many people do not know how to start making changes to turn destructive anger into healthy anger. This book offers understanding and tools for making those changes. In helping readers understand anger, psychologist Bernie Golden explains that while anger serves a purpose, it can easily become destructive. In this book he offers strategies to overcome anger that.
  how to cope with being unlovable: Mindset Your Manners Nicole Gravagna, 2016-11-18 As a trained neuroscientist, the author explains the behavior and related emotions stemming from conflict in relation to neurobiology. The exercises provided throughout the book coupled with numerous personal stories (including her own) all help point out these patterns of our beliefs. Through neuroscience, we can see why conflict and change are so hard. It's our wiring! With this knowledge, you can overcome struggle and get on with your exceptional life.
  how to cope with being unlovable: Inner Bonding Margaret Paul, 2012-10-16 Inner bonding is the process of connecting our adult thoughts with our instinctual, gut feelings—the feelings of the inner child—so that we can minimize painful conflict within ourselves. Free of inner conflict, we feel peaceful, open to joy, and open to giving and receiving love. Margaret Paul, coauthor of Healing Your Aloneness, explores how abandonment of the inner child leads to increasingly negative and destructive feelings of low self-worth, codepenclence, addiction, shame, powerlessness, and withdrawal from relationships. Her breakthrough inner bonding process teaches us to heal past wounds through reparenting and clearly demonstrates how we can learn to parent in the present. Real-life examples illustrate the dynamics of the healing process and show the benefits we can expect in every facet of our lives and in all our relationships. Inner Bonding provides the tools we need to forge and maintain the inner unity that makes our family, sexual, work, and social relationships productive, honest, and joyful.
  how to cope with being unlovable: The Truth About Broken Hannah Blum, 2019-12-16 At the age of 20, Hannah Blum went from Prom Queen to a mental patient in the blink of an eye, but what she believed would be the end was only just the beginning. In her first book, The Truth About Broken: The Unfixed Version of Self-Love, Hannah Blum redefines what it means to love yourself and takes readers on an unforgettable journey towards embracing what makes them different. It's self-love from the perspective of someone living with a mental illness in a society that has labeled her and others as broken. A collection of captivating true stories that will never leave you after reading. Hannah features her quotes and poetry that have gained global attention across social media and online platforms in the book.This is not your typical self-love book. If you are struggling with loving yourself, regardless if you have a mental illness, this book is for you.
  how to cope with being unlovable: Why Does He Do That? Lundy Bancroft, 2003-09-02 In this groundbreaking bestseller, Lundy Bancroft—a counselor who specializes in working with abusive men—uses his knowledge about how abusers think to help women recognize when they are being controlled or devalued, and to find ways to get free of an abusive relationship. He says he loves you. So...why does he do that? You’ve asked yourself this question again and again. Now you have the chance to see inside the minds of angry and controlling men—and change your life. In Why Does He Do That? you will learn about: • The early warning signs of abuse • The nature of abusive thinking • Myths about abusers • Ten abusive personality types • The role of drugs and alcohol • What you can fix, and what you can’t • And how to get out of an abusive relationship safely “This is without a doubt the most informative and useful book yet written on the subject of abusive men. Women who are armed with the insights found in these pages will be on the road to recovering control of their lives.”—Jay G. Silverman, Ph.D., Director, Violence Prevention Programs, Harvard School of Public Health
  how to cope with being unlovable: Emotional Agility Susan David, 2016-09-06 #1 Wall Street Journal Best Seller USA Today Best Seller Amazon Best Book of the Year TED Talk sensation - over 3 million views! The counterintuitive approach to achieving your true potential, heralded by the Harvard Business Review as a groundbreaking idea of the year. The path to personal and professional fulfillment is rarely straight. Ask anyone who has achieved his or her biggest goals or whose relationships thrive and you’ll hear stories of many unexpected detours along the way. What separates those who master these challenges and those who get derailed? The answer is agility—emotional agility. Emotional agility is a revolutionary, science-based approach that allows us to navigate life’s twists and turns with self-acceptance, clear-sightedness, and an open mind. Renowned psychologist Susan David developed this concept after studying emotions, happiness, and achievement for more than twenty years. She found that no matter how intelligent or creative people are, or what type of personality they have, it is how they navigate their inner world—their thoughts, feelings, and self-talk—that ultimately determines how successful they will become. The way we respond to these internal experiences drives our actions, careers, relationships, happiness, health—everything that matters in our lives. As humans, we are all prone to common hooks—things like self-doubt, shame, sadness, fear, or anger—that can too easily steer us in the wrong direction. Emotionally agile people are not immune to stresses and setbacks. The key difference is that they know how to adapt, aligning their actions with their values and making small but powerful changes that lead to a lifetime of growth. Emotional agility is not about ignoring difficult emotions and thoughts; it’s about holding them loosely, facing them courageously and compassionately, and then moving past them to bring the best of yourself forward. Drawing on her deep research, decades of international consulting, and her own experience overcoming adversity after losing her father at a young age, David shows how anyone can thrive in an uncertain world by becoming more emotionally agile. To guide us, she shares four key concepts that allow us to acknowledge uncomfortable experiences while simultaneously detaching from them, thereby allowing us to embrace our core values and adjust our actions so they can move us where we truly want to go. Written with authority, wit, and empathy, Emotional Agility serves as a road map for real behavioral change—a new way of acting that will help you reach your full potential, whoever you are and whatever you face.
  how to cope with being unlovable: Looking for Lovely Annie F. Downs, 2016-04-05 “I want you to take every step of your life with excitement for where you are headed. And I want you to feel beautiful and confident as you do.” But how? When the enemy whispers lies that you are not smart enough, pretty enough, or rich enough? Or you are too dumb, too loud, too quiet, too thin, too fat, too much or not enough? What if you don’t have what it takes to be who you really want to be? In Looking for Lovely, Annie F. Downs shares personal stories, biblical truth, and examples of how others have courageously walked the path God paved for their lives by remembering all God had done, loving what was right in front of them, and seeing God in the everyday—whether that be nature, friends, or the face they see in the mirror. Intensely personal, yet incredibly powerful, Looking for Lovely will spark transformative conversations and life changing patterns. No matter who we are and what path God has us on, we all need to look for lovely, fight to finish, and find beautiful in our every day!
  how to cope with being unlovable: Learn to Love Thomas Jordan, 2019-12-08 Learn to Love: Guide to Healing Your Disappointing Love Life is a book about learning to improve your love life. After 30 years of clinical research and treatment of patients with unhealthy love lives, I now recognize that most people are not in control of their love lives. Why? Because most people don't know what they've learned about and from the love relationships in the course of their lives. Love relationships that started in their families of origin the moment they were born. If you don't know what you've learned about love relationships, then what you've learned is in control of your love life, healthy or unhealthy. If what you've learned was healthy, no problem. Chances are you'll simply replicate what you've learned about love relationships. If what you've learned was unhealthy, you could be unwittingly making the same love life mistakes over and over again because of what you've learned. Learn to Love will show you how to identify what you've learned about love relationships, how to unlearn what is unhealthy, and practice something new, healthy, and the opposite of what you've learned, now as a corrective in your adult love life. This simple learning formulate has helped many of my patients begin taking control of their own love lives, as well as helping me improve my own love life. Learn to Love will help you learn how to take control of your love life. Dr. Thomas Jordan
  how to cope with being unlovable: Running on Empty No More Jonice Webb, 2017-11-07 “Opens doors to richer, more connected relationships by naming the elephant in the room ‘Childhood Emotional Neglect’” (Harville Hendrix, PhD & Helen Lakelly Hunt, PhD, authors of the New York Times bestseller Getting the Love You Want). Since the publication of Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect, many thousands of people have learned that invisible Childhood Emotional Neglect, or CEN, has been weighing on them their entire lives, and are now in the process of recovery. Running on Empty No More: Transform Your Relationships will offer even more solutions for the effects of CEN on people’s lives: how to talk about CEN, and heal it, in relationships with partners, parents, and children. “Filled with examples of well-meaning people struggling in their relationships, Jonice Webb not only illustrates what’s missing between adults and their parents, husbands, and their wives, and parents and their children; she also explains exactly what to do about it.” —Terry Real, internationally recognized family therapist, speaker and author, Good Morning America, The Today Show, 20/20, Oprah, and The New York Times “You will find practical solutions for everyday life to heal yourself and your relationships. This is a terrific new resource that I will be recommending to many clients now and in the future!” —Dr. Karyl McBride, author of Will I Ever Be Good Enough?
  how to cope with being unlovable: The Emotionally Absent Mother, Second Edition: How to Recognize and Cope with the Invisible Effects of Childhood Emotional Neglect (Second) Jasmin Lee Cori, 2017-04-18 The groundbreaking guide to self-healing and getting the love you missed “Years ago, I was on vacation and read The Emotionally Absent Mother. That book was one of many that woke me up. . . . I began the process of reparenting and it’s changed my life.”—Dr. Nicole LePera, New York Times–bestselling author of How to Do the Work Was your mother preoccupied, distant, or even demeaning? Have you struggled with relationships—or with your own self-worth? Often, the grown children of emotionally absent mothers can’t quite put a finger on what’s missing from their lives. The children of abusive mothers, by contrast, may recognize the abuse—but overlook its lasting, harmful effects. Psychotherapist Jasmin Lee Cori has helped thousands of men and women heal the hidden wounds left by every kind of undermothering. In this second edition of her pioneering book, with compassion for mother and child alike, she explains: Possible reasons your mother was distracted or hurtful—and what she was unable to give The lasting impact of childhood emotional neglect and abuse How to find the child inside you and fill the “mother gap” through reflections and exercises How to secure a happier future for yourself (and perhaps for your children).
  how to cope with being unlovable: Toxic Parents Susan Forward, 2009-12-16 BONUS: This edition contains an excerpt from Dr. Susan Forward's Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them. When you were a child... Did your parents tell you were bad or worthless? Did your parents use physical pain to discipline you? Did you have to take care of your parents because of their problems? Were you frightened of your parents? Did your parents do anything to you that had to be kept secret? Now that you are an adult... Do your parents still treat you as if you were a child? Do you have intense emotional or physical reactions after spending time with your parents? Do your parents control you with threats or guilt? Do they manipulate you with money? Do you feel that no matter what you do, it's never good enough for your parents? In this remarkable self-help guide, Dr. Susan Forward drawn on case histories and the real-life voices of adult children of toxic parents to help you free yourself from the frustrating patterns of your relationship with your parents -- and discover an exciting new world of self-confidence, inner strength, and emotional independence.
  how to cope with being unlovable: Conquering Shame and Codependency Darlene Lancer, 2014-05-16 A nationally recognized author and codependency expert examines the roots of shame and its connection with codependent relationships. Learn how to heal from their destructive hold by implementing eight steps that will empower the real you, and lead to healthier relationships. Shame: the torment you feel when you’re exposed, humiliated, or rejected; the feeling of not being good enough. It’s a deeply painful and universal emotion, yet is not frequently discussed. For some, shame lurks in the unconscious, undermining self-esteem, destroying confidence, and leading to codependency. These codependent relationships—where we overlook our own needs and desires as we try to care for, protect, or please another—often cover up abuse, addiction, or other harmful behaviors. Shame and codependency feed off one another, making us feel stuck, never able to let go, move on, and become the true self we were meant to be. In Conquering Shame and Codependency, Darlene Lancer sheds new light on shame: how codependents’ feelings and beliefs about shame affect their identity, their behavior, and how shame can corrode relationships, destroying trust and love. She then provides eight steps to heal from shame, learn to love yourself, and develop healthy relationships.
  how to cope with being unlovable: The Shyness and Social Anxiety Workbook Martin M. Antony, Richard P. Swinson, 2008-07-02 There's nothing wrong with being shy. But if social anxiety keeps you from forming relationships with others, advancing in your education or your career, or carrying on with everyday activities, you may need to confront your fears to live an enjoyable, satisfying life. This new edition of The Shyness and Social Anxiety Workbook offers a comprehensive program to help you do just that. As you complete the activities in this workbook, you'll learn to: •Find your strengths and weaknesses with a self-evaluation •Explore and examine your fears •Create a personalized plan for change •Put your plan into action through gentle and gradual exposure to social situations Information about therapy, medications, and other resources is also included. After completing this program, you'll be well-equipped to make connections with the people around you. Soon, you'll be on your way to enjoying all the benefits of being actively involved in the social world. This book has been awarded The Association for Behavioral and Cognitive Therapies Self-Help Seal of Merit — an award bestowed on outstanding self-help books that are consistent with cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) principles and that incorporate scientifically tested strategies for overcoming mental health difficulties. Used alone or in conjunction with therapy, our books offer powerful tools readers can use to jump-start changes in their lives.
  how to cope with being unlovable: Fatherless Daughters Pamela Thomas, 2018-03-27 A moving, elegantly written, and exhaustively researched account of what it means for a girl to lose a father to death or divorce—with advice for fatherless daughters on how to cope. “People who lose their parents early in life are like fellow war veterans. As soon as they discover that they are talking to someone else who has lost a parent, they know they are speaking the same language without uttering a word.” Pamela Thomas gives voice to this unspoken pain in Fatherless Daughters. Still haunted by her own father’s death when she was ten, Thomas decided to explore its effects. Though her journey began as a personal one, she soon felt the need to hear from other women and ended up interviewing more than one hundred fatherless women. They ranged in age from nineteen to ninety-four; they came from all areas of the country as well as Europe and Asia; some had lost their fathers to death, others to divorce or abandonment. Each account was unique, but the impact of a father’s loss was profound in every woman’s life. Thomas begins by defining what it means to be a father in our world. She discusses the initial shock of his loss, exploring the aspects that color how a young girl experiences it: her age at the time of her father’s death or abandonment, her mother’s behavior and attitudes, her place in the family vis-à-vis siblings, and the influence of a stepfather or father-surrogates. Thomas shows how a father’s early death or abandonment affects a woman’s emotional health and self-esteem, her body image, her sexual experiences, her marriage, her family life, and her career. Perhaps most important, Thomas offers compassionate advice for coming to terms with father loss, even late in life, from actively mourning, to healing, to starting fresh.
  how to cope with being unlovable: Being a Brain-Wise Therapist: A Practical Guide to Interpersonal Neurobiology (Norton Series on Interpersonal Neurobiology) Bonnie Badenoch, 2011-01-03 This book, part of the acclaimed Norton Series on Interpersonal Neurobiology, brings interpersonal neurobiology into the counseling room, weaving the concepts of neurobiology into the ever-changing flow of therapy. Neuroscientific discoveries have begun to illuminate the workings of the active brain in intricate detail. In fact, sometimes it seems that in order to be a cutting-edge therapist, not only do you need knowledge of traditional psychotherapeutic models, but a solid understanding of the role the brain plays as well. But theory is never enough. You also need to know how to apply the theories to work with actual clients during sessions. In easy-to-understand prose, Being a Brain-Wise Therapist reviews the basic principles about brain structure, function, and development, and explains the neurobiological correlates of some familiar diagnostic categories. You will learn how to make theory come to life in the midst of clinical work, so that the principles of interpersonal neurobiology can be applied to a range of patients and issues, such as couples, teens, and children, and those dealing with depression, anxiety, and other disorders. Liberal use of exercises and case histories enliven the material and make this an essential guide for seamlessly integrating the latest neuroscientific research into your therapeutic practice.
  how to cope with being unlovable: The Human Magnet Syndrome Ross A. Rosenberg, 2013-04-01 Born in the cauldron of personal experience of suffering and healing and honed through years of professional experience, this book will help anyone understand the attractors of love and consequent suffering. I recommend it to couples who are mystified by the depth and repitition of their pain and joy and to therapists whose destiny is to help them. ~ Harville Hendrix, Ph.D., co-author with Helen LaKelly Hunt of Making Marriage Simple: Transform the Relationship you Have Into the Relationship you Want Since the dawn of civilization, men and women have been magnetically and irresistibly drawn together into romantic relationships, not so much by what they see, feel and think, but more by invisible forces. When individuals with healthy emotional backgrounds meet, the irresistible “love force” creates a sustainable, reciprocal and stable relationship. Codependents and emotional manipulators are similarly enveloped in a seductive dreamlike state; however, it will later unfold into a painful “seesaw” of love, pain, hope and disappointment. The soul mate of the codependent’s dreams will become the emotional manipulator of their nightmares. Readers of the Human Magnet Syndrome will better understand why they, despite their dreams for true love, find themselves hopelessly and painfully in love with partners who hurt them. This book will guide and inspire both the layman and the professional.
  how to cope with being unlovable: The Compilations of Foresta Gump Foresta Gump, 2015-12-22 The Compilations of Foresta Gump is unique in it’s perspective in that Multi-Best Selling Authors included are Joe Vitale in The Secret and The Law of Attraction and Tracy Repchuk Internet Marketing Guru and Marsha Friedman PR Insider. Their full-sized color photos compliment an individual Advertising poem I wrote for each Featured author depicting their greatness. This book is meant to entertain you to give escapement from mediocrity—a great read no doubt you’ll find! Included are Foresta Gump’s Perspectives—Foresta’s Friends—News—Humor—Pieces of Tale—Tall Tales—True short amazing stories—Poetry which carries a message.
  how to cope with being unlovable: Safe House Joshua Straub, PhD, 2015-10-20 Parenting isn't rocket science, it's just brain surgery. And Dr. Joshua Straub has good news for you: You can do it! You don’t need to do all the “right” things as a parent. Both science and the Bible show us that the most important thing we can provide for our kids is a place of emotional safety. In other words, the posture from which we parent matters infinitely more than the techniques of parenting. Emotional safety—more than any other factor—is scientifically linked to raising kids who live, love, and lead well. Learn how to use emotional safety as a foundation from which you parent—and make a cultural impact that could change the world! In Safe House, Dr. Straub draws from his extensive research and personal experience to help you: - Foster healthy identity and social development in children of any age - Win the war without getting overwhelmed in the daily battles - Discipline in a way that builds relationship - Understand how the culture is affecting your child and what you can do about it - Cultivate responsible, self-regulating behavior in your kids - Establish an unshakeable sense of faith, morality, and values in your home - Feel more confident and peaceful as a parent - Find a greater perspective on parenting than what you might see on a daily basis Also includes a Safe House Parenting Assessment.
  how to cope with being unlovable: Is it You, Me, Or Adult A.D.D.? Gina Pera, 2008 Everyone involved with AD/HD will find the information in this book invaluable, especially people with AD/HD and couples therapists, who often mistake AD/HD for communication problems or personality differences. Meticulously researched and presented with empathy and humor, _Is It You, Me, or Adult A.D.D.?_ offers the latest information from top experts, who explain the science and proven protocols for reducing AD/HD's most challenging symptoms. Real-life details come from the partners themselves, who share their stories with touching candor yet plenty of humor.
  how to cope with being unlovable: Life Without Envy Camille DeAngelis, 2016-09-27 From one artist to another, a helpful guide and a meditation on the nature of the ego and its toxic effects on the creative process Life Without Envy by Camille DeAngelis is a game-changer for artists of all stripes: a practical guide for navigating the feelings of jealousy, frustration, and inadequacy we all experience to create a happy life regardless of how your career is (or isn’t) going. In these pages you'll find strategies for escaping the negative feedback loop you get stuck in whenever you compare yourself to your fellow artists. You'll begin to resolve your hunger for recognition, shifting your mindset from “proving yourself” to making a contribution and becoming part of a supportive creative community. Best of all, you'll come to understand that your worth—as an artist and a human being—has nothing to do with how your work is received in the wider world. Life Without Envy offers a blueprint for real and lasting contentment no matter what setback you’re weathering in your creative life.
  how to cope with being unlovable: Radical Acceptance Tara Brach, 2004-11-23 In our current times of global crises and spiking collective anxiety, Tara Brach’s transformative practice of Radical Acceptance offers a pathway to inner freedom and a more compassionate world. This classic work now features an insightful new introduction, an exclusive bonus chapter, and additional guided meditations. “Radical Acceptance offers us an invitation to embrace ourselves with all our pain, fear, and anxieties, and to step lightly yet firmly on the path of understanding and compassion.”—Thich Nhat Hanh “Believing that something is wrong with us is a deep and tenacious suffering,” says Tara Brach at the start of this illuminating book. This suffering emerges in crippling self-judgments and conflicts in our relationships, in addictions and perfectionism, in loneliness and overwork—all the forces that keep our lives constricted and unfulfilled. Radical Acceptance offers a path to freedom, including the day-to-day practical guidance developed over Dr. Brach’s forty years of work with therapy clients and Buddhist students. Writing with great warmth and clarity, Tara Brach brings her teachings alive through personal stories and case histories, fresh interpretations of Buddhist tales, and guided meditations. Step by step, she shows us how we can stop being at war with ourselves and begin to live fully every precious moment of our lives.
  how to cope with being unlovable: Shame & Guilt Jane Middelton-Moz, 2020-08-30 It is my feeling that debilitating shame and guilt are at the root of all dysfunctions in families,” says Jane Middelton-Moz. A few common characteristics of adults shamed in childhood: You may suffer extreme shyness, embarrassment and feelings of being inferior to others. You don’t believe you make mistakes, you believe you are a mistake. You feel controlled from the outside and from within. You feel that normal spontaneous expression is blocked. You may suffer from debilitating guilt; you apologize constantly. You have little sense of emotional boundaries; you feel constantly violated by others; you frequently build false boundaries. If you see yourself in any of these characteristics, you can learn how shame keeps you from being the person you were born to be and how to change that. Shame And Guilt describes how debilitating shame is created and fostered in childhood and how it manifests itself in adulthood and in intimate relationships. Through the use of myths and fairytales to portray different shaming environments, Dr. Middelton-Moz allows you to reach the shamed child within you and to add clarity to what could be difficult concepts. Read Shame and Guilt — you’re worth it.
  how to cope with being unlovable: The Peaceful Wife April Cassidy, 2016-01-27 “This book walks each of us through the reality checks we need in order to have the marriage we want!” —Shaunti Feldhahn, social researcher and best-selling author of For Women Only In today’s workplace, women are often rewarded for having type A personalities: driven, demanding, ambitious, and strong. Yet when it comes to their marriages, those same traits can backfire. After all, no one goes into marriage hoping for a promotion. What is a wife to do? April Cassidy knows this struggle firsthand. She thought she was a great Christian wife and begged God to make her passive husband into a more loving, involved, godly leader. Instead, God opened her eyes to changes that she needed to make, such as laying down her desire for control and offering genuine, unconditional respect—not just love—to her husband. Cassidy’s conclusions may be as startling to readers as they were to her, but The Peaceful Wife shares how she and many others have learned to reorient their lives to biblical commands—resulting in healthier, happier marriages. In the end, you’ll find The Peaceful Wife a powerful path to God’s design for women to live in full submission to Christ as Lord.
  how to cope with being unlovable: The Journey from Abandonment to Healing Susan Anderson, 2000-03-01 Like Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross's groundbreaking On Death and Dying, Susan Anderson's book clearly defines the five phases of a different kind of grieving--grieving over a lost relationship. An experienced professional who has specialized in helping people with loss, heartbreak, and abandonment for more than two decades, Susan Anderson gives this subject the serious attention it deserves. The Journey From Abandonment to Healing is designed to help all victims of emotional breakups--whether they are suffering from a recent loss, or a lingering wound from the past; whether they are caught up in patterns that sabotage their own relationships, or they're in a relationship where they no longer feel loved. From the first stunning blow to starting over, it provides a complete program for abandonment recovery.
  how to cope with being unlovable: Learning to Love Yourself Gay Hendricks, 2011 An Invitation From Gay HendricksI am thrilled and delighted to offer to you the new edition of Learning To Love Yourself. Revisiting and rewriting the book has been a pleasure from beginning to end. With its new elements, the book comes alive in a whole new way.Looking back over more than three decades to the moment of its conception, I can now see how writing this book changed my life in every way.I first wrote it as an act of love, to share an experience that feels as if it's still transforming me in my very cells. It was my hope that telling about the experience could inspire the same profound life-changes in others. The many thousands of letters, emails and spoken appreciations I've received since then let me know that my hope came true.The experience described in the book revealed the living mystery of love to me, allowing me to feel its sweet power for the first time. Because I suddenly knew what real love felt like, I was able to break free of my pattern of painful relationships with women. Ultimately it helped me find my way to Kathlyn, the love of my life and my wife for the past quarter-century.The new edition is ideal for giving to loved ones (including yourself!) who are on the journey to forgiving, accepting and loving themselves. It tells you how I came to an acceptance and unconditional love of even the most difficult-to-love parts of myself.My fondest wish is that you use it for exactly the same purpose, with exactly the same result.
  how to cope with being unlovable: The New I Do Susan Pease Gadoua, Vicki Larson, 2014-09-23 If half of all cars bought in America each year broke down, there would be a national uproar. But when people suggest that maybe every single marriage doesn't look like the next and isn't meant to last until death, there's nothing but a rash of proposed laws trying to force it to do just that. In The New I Do, therapist Susan Pease Gadoua and journalist Vicki Larson take a groundbreaking look at the modern shape of marriage to help readers open their minds to marrying more consciously and creatively. Offering actual models of less-traditional marriages, including everything from a parenting marriage (intended for the sake of raising and nurturing children) to a comfort or safety marriage (where people marry for financial security or companionship), the book covers unique options for couples interested in forging their own paths. With advice to help listeners decide what works for them, The New I Doacts as a guide to thinking outside the marital box and the framework for a new debate on marriage in the 21st century.
  how to cope with being unlovable: The Empathetic Workplace Katharine Manning, 2021-02-16 This critical resource gives managers, HR, and anyone who may come into contact with someone in trauma—including workplace violence, harassment, assault, illness, addiction, fraud, bankruptcy, and more—the tools they need to be prepared for what lies ahead. This book is crucial for every manager or HR representative who shouldn’t just prepare to one day be faced with a report of a traumatic experience at work, but plan on it. This five-step method will help managers make survivors feel supported and understood. The Empathetic Workplace guides supervisors of any level through an understanding of how stories of trauma impact the brain of both the survivor and the listener, as well as the tools to handle the interaction appropriately, to help the listener, the organization, and most importantly, the survivor. The easy-to-follow LASER method outlined in these pages includes the following elements that all managers should know and understand: Listen-Controlling your own reaction, managing your body language, asking open-ended questions, hearing what is not being said, and winding down the speaker when the conversation becomes unproductive are essential elements in being a good listener. Acknowledge-Once someone shares a difficult personal story with you, it is important to acknowledge that gift. Share-You can help the speaker regain some measure of control by sharing information with him or her about what happened or what happens next, your personal or organizational values, and what you don’t yet know but hope to learn. Empower-You can help the traumatized person by providing him or her with resources that are available to them through the company or outside groups. Return-The final step is to ensure that the traumatized person has a way to come back later when he or she cannot remember all that you said, thinks of more questions, or wishes for updates. The LASER technique can benefit all who are responsible for others, from top-tier managers at Fortune 500 companies to Residence Advisors in college dormitories.
  how to cope with being unlovable: I Don't Want to Talk About It Terrence Real, 1999-03-11 A bestseller for over 20 years, I Don’t Want to Talk About It is a groundbreaking and hopeful guide to understanding and destigmatizing male depression, essential not only for men who may be suffering but for the people who love them. Twenty years of experience treating men and their families has convinced psychotherapist Terrence Real that depression is a silent epidemic in men—that men hide their condition from family, friends, and themselves to avoid the stigma of depression’s “un-manliness.” Problems that we think of as typically male—difficulty with intimacy, workaholism, alcoholism, abusive behavior, and rage—are really attempts to escape depression. And these escape attempts only hurt the people men love and pass their condition on to their children. This groundbreaking book is the “pathway out of darkness” that these men and their families seek. Real reveals how men can unearth their pain, heal themselves, restore relationships, and break the legacy of abuse. He mixes penetrating analysis with compelling tales of his patients and even his own experiences with depression as the son of a violent, depressed father and the father of two young sons.
  how to cope with being unlovable: Uncommon Therapy Jay Haley, 1993-05-04 Milton H. Erickson, M.D. is generally acknowledged to have been the world's leading practitioner of medical hypnosis. His strategic therapy, using hypnotic techniques with or without actually inducing trance, allows him to get directly to the core of a problem and prescribe a course of action that can lead to rapid recovery. This book provides a comprehensive look at Dr. Erickson's theories in practice, through a series of case studies covering the kinds of problems that are likely to occur at various stages of the human life cycle. The results Dr. Erickson achieves sometimes seem to border on the miraculous, but they are brought about by a finely honed technique used by a wise, intuitive, highly trained psychiatrist-hypnotist whose work is recognized as a major contribution to the field.
  how to cope with being unlovable: Life Falls Apart, But You Don't Have To Julie Potiker, 2018-01-12 Julie Potiker turns some enormous lemons in her life into the sweetest lemonade in this wonderful book. She brings together practical brain science, powerful methods from psychotherapy, and her own friendly, funny, encouraging, and heartfelt voice to offer a wonderful roadmap and toolbox for when life throws some lemons at you.-Rick Hanson, PhD, author of Buddha's Brain: The Practical Neuroscience of Happiness, Love, and Wisdom; and Hardwiring Happiness: The New Brain Science of Contentment, Calm, and Confidence. At one point in her life, Julie Potiker was so stressed that she began manifesting symptoms of a stroke. It was at this point she realized she needed to change her life and find better ways of managing the challenges she would inevitably face. Now she's sharing the methods she developed with you. In this compassionate and courageous new guide, Potiker shows you how to find happiness apart from your children's lives, practice important self-care rituals, rewire your own brain to receive happiness, feel safe and comforted in the midst of the chaos, and listen to your inner critic without letting it tear you down. Potiker also introduces Jewish tradition into her mindfulness lessons and explains the importance of following your own spiritual and emotional values as you embark on this new journey.
  how to cope with being unlovable: Win Your Breakup: How to Be The One That Got Away Natasha Adamo, 2022-01-11 You picked up this book because your breakup has been reduced to something that you feel you must win to emotionally survive and move on. This reduction can only take place if you were involved with a toxic person. Toxic people are selfish, empathetically bankrupt, and have a limited relationship with reality. Anyone who feels validated by exploiting your hunger for theirs is toxic-to your peace, your life, and your mental health. Breakups aren't won by game-playing or vilifying your ex. They're won by realizing that winning is losing a partner who has proven to be a dead end. A new life is waiting for you at the end of this journey. In Win Your Breakup, relationship and self-help coach Natasha Adamo presents the opportunity for a life with relationships that you don't have to tolerate and eggshell-walk your way through. It's a life in which your ex regrets the day they ever decided to breach your trust and break your heart; a life in which those who took you for granted wish you could find a way back into theirs. In this life, you can choose to walk away from toxicity-no more trying to be the person someone may want, may commit to, may be honest with, and may treat with respect. This life is about to be your own.
  how to cope with being unlovable: All About Love bell hooks, 2018-01-30 A New York Times bestseller and enduring classic, All About Love is the acclaimed first volume in feminist icon bell hooks' Love Song to the Nation trilogy. All About Love reveals what causes a polarized society, and how to heal the divisions that cause suffering. Here is the truth about love, and inspiration to help us instill caring, compassion, and strength in our homes, schools, and workplaces. “The word ‘love’ is most often defined as a noun, yet we would all love better if we used it as a verb,” writes bell hooks as she comes out fighting and on fire in All About Love. Here, at her most provocative and intensely personal, renowned scholar, cultural critic and feminist bell hooks offers a proactive new ethic for a society bereft with lovelessness--not the lack of romance, but the lack of care, compassion, and unity. People are divided, she declares, by society’s failure to provide a model for learning to love. As bell hooks uses her incisive mind to explore the question “What is love?” her answers strike at both the mind and heart. Razing the cultural paradigm that the ideal love is infused with sex and desire, she provides a new path to love that is sacred, redemptive, and healing for individuals and for a nation. The Utne Reader declared bell hooks one of the “100 Visionaries Who Can Change Your Life.” All About Love is a powerful, timely affirmation of just how profoundly her revelations can change hearts and minds for the better.